Things got desperate for this ‘turd’
Real estate agents are going to extreme – and often hilarious – lengths to get a property noticed, from embarking on cheesy Zoolander-style videos to channeling Aussie cult classic The Castle and creating brutally honest listing descriptions.
Here are some of the best we have seen:
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South Australia: Polish a turd
Creative Real Estate agent Jo Lawless didn’t muck around when it came to describing a partially demolished 1920s heritage-listed shopfront in Kilkenny.
“Who says you can’t polish a t***,” the listing said.
“If you laugh at these pictures you are not a nice person.
“The facade is heritage listed so must be retained.
“You may do what you like with the remainder.
“To be honest it’s not too bad and comes complete with a WC (toilet).”
RELATED: ‘If you laugh at these pictures you are not a nice person’
The turd in question
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QLD: Worst house of my career
Belle Property Townsville agent Sean Breitkreutz didn’t muck around with his hilarious listing and video for a truly hideous house.
Murphy’s Law may say that nature always sides with the hidden flaw, but one North Queensland hovel was proof that while beauty may be skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.
And this home from hell went viral thanks to a cracker of a post.
“I know all of Australia is concerned – but thanks to Rhett Stubbs from ActiveHR I wish to inform you all that 7 Corveth Street is built to last and this beast of a property has survived yet another cyclone! There’s hope for it yet,” a social media post by Belle Property agent Sean Breitkreutz said.
Not even a cyclone could kill it
And the listing was about as honest as they come.
The house went viral after Mr Breitkreutz released a brutally honest listing and walk-through video of the pungent property, admitting he only took the listing on to “practice auctioneering after getting my licence”.
“(It is) the worst house of my career,” he said in a brutally honest video for social media.
The outdoor area is “perfect for if you want to see the stars when this eventually comes down (the patio roof)” he says, adding there is no point bothering with an external house wash “as a high pressure hose will probably go straight through the walls”.
Inside, the agent warns that the laundry is “absolutely not going to clean anything”, while in the bathroom he notes you need Hazmat suit.
“If only you could smell what I am smelling right now,” he says.
Thankfully you can’t smell listing photos
In one of the three bedrooms, Mr Breitkreutz says “can you believe someone was actually sleeping in here not that long ago?”
While in another bedroom he observes: “Oh look, the floors are already stripped, makes it so much easier for ya”.
Next up is the dining room were “definitely some horrible things have been consumed”.
“This carpet is lumpy and we have got some termite activity here,” he says.
“But we have NBN fibre to the premises, that’s one plus.”
Salmonella central
And in the kitchen he notes, sarcastically, the “beautiful timber-look panels”.
“It is absolutely rank!” he says.
“Great location, horrible house.”
RELATED: Is this North Qld house the most ‘rank’ property in Australia?
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QLD: No BS
Housequest Real Estate Ipswich principal Tank Leelooks more like a truckie than your typical real estate agent, and he has a sense of humour to match.
His property listings are pure gold — and you won’t find any of the usual word vomit preferred by many other real estate agents.
“No bullsh** is how I roll,” Tank said.
Tank Lee looks more like a truckie than a typical real estate agent
Tank, who was in the airforce before getting into real estate, also does no frills videos and, in his words, “pays a guy to do that crap (social media)”.
“I have clients who are judges, doctors, solicitors, and I talk to them the same way I talk to my mates,” he said.
“I don’t have a neck to wear a tie. I wear jeans and Skechers but I do wear a button up shirt because I am covered in tattoos.
“But I am who I am and I can talk to anyone, from a truckie to a judge.”
In one previous listing he said you can “light up the fire pit in the centre of the yard to summon your internal redneck” while another said “flood free? – absolutely! It’s on a hill!”
Another described a shed as the “Garage Mahal”, while another shed was described as “as refreshing as a bottleshop coolroom”.
RELATED: ’As refreshing as a bottleshop coolroom’: Hilarious take on property listings
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VICTORIA: Billboard’s that don’t make you bored
Melbourne real estate agency Matthews has taken billboards to a new level.
Instead of signs saying “renovator’s delight” the agency used a signboard that said “Fan of The Block? Buy this ’50s favourite and you can play along at home”.
Another was a play on words.
A not boring billboard
“I’m just a board, standing in front of a townhouse, asking you to buy me” – a play on the famous Notting Hill line delivered by Julia Roberts: “I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her”.
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QLD: The blue steel is real
Cutting Edge Property director Rob Levyis not afraid to get his kit off, or inject some serious cheese into marketing a property.
While hi slisting descriptions are fairly run-of-the-mill, it is his team’s videos that crank it up a notch.
For a “dated property” in Kirwan, Rob and his team “went back to the 80s”, complete with Bro-mos, band T-shirts and op shop wigs.
In another, he appears shirtless, chest hair and all, in a Zoolander-style pose on a giant pink flamingo in the pool.
Rob Levy is not afraid to get his kit off
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NSW: The Greatest Showman
Josh Horner of The Horner Agency has taken property marketing to a new level, starring in cinematic listing videoes that feature everything from jungle adventures to cabaret showgirls.
In one video, he dons several different personas, including an Indiana Jones-style explorer navigating the home’s forested backyard and a sharply dressed dancer performing alongside cabaret performers.
“I’ve got the gnome, now it’s your turn to get the home,” he later says while dressed as a character in the vein of Indiana Jones.Other moments are more obscure, with the agent opening the door to the owner of the home holding a watermelon and, later, a showgirl flapping her legs in the bathtub.
He is also not afraid to do the odd pirouette, put on a fake voice, or laugh at himslef.
His bio says that he comes from an extensive successful international performing arts background in dance, theatre and television.
He also worked as the executive creative director for Disneyland.
Real estate agent Josh Horner a promotional video for a property up for sale in Wamberal.
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QLD: Peaks or pecs?
Ray White TMG principal Matt Micallef has form when it comes to taking listings to a new level.
In 2021, he shot a video singing and dancing in a zany Dodgeball-inspired film spoof to promote a property at Upper Coomera.
Mr Micallef appears as Forrest Goodman — loosely based on the character of White Goodman from the 2004 comedy starring Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughan.
“Did someone say peaks, or pecs?” Mr Micallef says to camera, jiggling the latter beneath his shiny blue and pink lycra getup before ditching the gear altogether to appear naked for the video’s final scene.
Other sales campaigns have channeled the likes of Aussie classic, The Castle, and legendary crocodile hunter, Steve Irwin.
Matt Micallef on the Today Show
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VICTORIA: McLaughs
The king of quirky and bizarre Melbourne real estate videos is back with a brand new clip which buyers are McLoving.
BigginScott Glen Waverley director Ming Xu is known for his unorthodox listing videos including a homage to the Taken movie franchise voiced by none other than film star Liam Neeson himself.
In another clip, Mr Xu dressed as a bull and was chased by his colleague, Eric Liu, who was garbed as a traditional Spanish matador.
Their latest offering, recorded to showcase a five-bedroom house at 5 Domino Court, Wheelers Hill, stars Mr Liu and fellow agent Richard Qiu in costume as the Maccas’ mascot Ronald McDonald.
Mr Xu said he was inspired to adopt the McDonalds theme for the video after discovering the home’s owner had previously owned two of the fast food outlets.
RELATED: Bizarre listing video serves up McLaughs
Do you want a side of fries with a house?
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