Ben the Goat. Source: Goat Group Queensland Facebook
When it comes to landscaping, Ben may just be the GOAT. After all, he is literally a goat.
But much like other GOAT’s (Greatest of All Time) who came before him, Ben also has a bit of an attitude problem.
Think tennis greats John McEnroe, made famous for screaming “you can’t be serious”, and Nick Kyrgios, known for his explosive on court temper.
True to form, Nick Kyrgios smashes a racquet in the second set. Picture: Mark Stewart
And then there is Ben, dubbed the “d***head goat” in a hilarious job ad posted to Goat Group Queensland.
His bio states that his occupation is “weed whacker” and “tether-trained lawnmower”.
But his HR report says he is also a “professional nuisance” and “Yeppoon’s grumpiest weed whacker”.
And due to ongoing workplace conflicts, Ben has been seeking new employment.
“Ben is a wether; however, he recently seems to have forgotten this fact,” the “job ad” says.
“Following the arrival of this year’s kids a couple of months ago, he has taken it upon himself to become the Chief Executive Officer of the goat herd.
“This position was neither advertised nor offered to him. His management style consists primarily of intimidation, harassment, micromanagement, and making poor decisions.”
“As a result, he is currently driving the other goats insane and has developed some rather rude manners towards management (me).”
“After several disciplinary meetings and performance reviews, we have reached the conclusion that Ben’s employment must be terminated.”
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The dictatorial goat was terminated following several disciplinary meetings and performance reviews after he appointed himself CEO and used intimidation and harassment against co-workers (not pictured to protect their privacy)
But Ben is not without some employable qualities, which were listed as “excellent weed control, tether trained, eats things you don’t want growing, requires no supervision when destroying vegetation, will keep your property tidy”.
If he was working in an corporate environment that might translate into attention to detail, works well under supervision, efficient and keeps a tidy desk.
“Ben arrived with previous experience in tether-based employment,” the hilarious post said.
“While he’s spent most of his time here free-ranging with the herd, I’ve put him back on a tether several times and he still remembers how to do his job.”
In other words, Ben can be performance managed.
“Ben would suit an experienced goat owner,” it said.
“He’d probably be happiest as an only goat or perhaps with another wether.
“I believe that without the temptation of females, he may calm his farm and return to being a productive member of society.”
Ben’s future could be in question if he doesn’t change his attitude
The job ad continued: “To be safe, a home without young children would be preferred, as Ben can occasionally forget his manners and act like the tiny horned dictator he believes himself to be. Despite his attitude, he’s healthy, capable, and very good at his actual job. He just needs a home where he can focus on eating weeds instead of running an unsolicited goat government.”
His employer (aka owner) said that while they loved him, they had “irreconcilable differences, and for the safety of my sanity, he needs a new address where he will be cared for”.
The hilarious post has already attracted over 7000 likes, 1600 comments and 682 shares, with admin for the page saying: “Well tonight over 1100 new members have joined to comment on Ben the goat. I hope he finds a good home amongst all those comments”.
One commentator warned to be “careful he doesn’t consult his union”.
Others labelled it the “best employment advertisement I have read in years”, while another suggested Ben could be well suited in Canberra to “weed out a few politicians”.
But there is some good news for Ben.
“Ben currently has a new place of work lined up, plus multiple backup options!” the poster said, adding “Oh my gosh, Ben is famous now”.
Let’s just hope that doesn’t go to his head.
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