Jack, Tommy and the offending trampoline in happier times. Picture by Max Mason-Hubers.
COMMENT
Early in my adult life, I became aware there was a way you could tell someone to “shut up” without actually saying anything.
It is the gold standard in neighbourhood passive aggressiveness.
I refer to the sound of a window being slammed shut.
It’s the way neighbours can helpfully let you know when you are disturbing their “quiet enjoyment” (a legal term referring to your right to occupy and use your home without unreasonable interference or disruptive noise).
It works in urban and suburban settings (though probably not useful on large rural allotments).
The first moment came when share housing at university. My housemate was playing Black Sabbath so loudly at 2am that the walls were rattling. And we were in a townhouse so it was a common wall. The window slamming shut had to be timed for a break between songs to have any effect.
MORE:Sad new divorce reality gripping Australia
Another time, I was sharing a ground floor flat with a mate and we regularly had drinks and music in the common area, which was directly below our upstairs neighbour’s window. That one was slammed several times a week.
These were understandable. I feel for these people. It’s a miracle that I didn’t join the ranks of the many ‘neighbours from hell’ featured on our various free to air current affairs programs.
Fast forward a couple of decades and I am now a middle aged father of two boys aged seven and five.
The most recent window slam I experienced shocked me. It happened at 5pm as my boys were in the backyard, giggling as they jumped on the trampoline. The sun was still up and it wasn’t even dinner time yet.
Barking dogs are considered noise pollution, but not in daylight hours.
I know they can be loud- and very annoying- at times, especially when fighting each other or bawling about something, but on this occasion, it was simply the sound of children’s laughter that had ruined someone’s quiet enjoyment.
MORE:Lleyton moves overseas, Bec stays in Aus
Fair dinkum, the neighbourhood is full of other noise. Renovation work, heavy traffic, leaf blowers, mowers and barking dogs are just some of the regular causes.
Go ahead and close your window if the kids bother you, but slamming is an act for our benefit, to let us know that we are the problem.
And it’s not just me. My parents recently lived in a small, boutique complex of apartments and were happy to see a young family move in. The kids were playing basketball outside, until a neighbour complained to the strata that they couldn’t hear their afternoon soap operas over the sound of the bouncing ball. Basketball was then banned at the complex.
Meanwhile, my in-laws live close to a small reserve on their street. Some local kids liked riding their bikes in the reserve and had managed to build a small jump so they could do tricks.
That was until a lady in a nearby house complained to the council. The bike jump was flattened and bike riding banned in the reserve, with a security camera set up in case the rules were ignored.
Don’t dare bounce that ball, I’m trying to watch The Bold and the Beautiful!
MORE:Rate relief as today’s data forces new RBA call
How often do we complain about kids being tethered to devices these days?
“They spend too much time on screens!”
“Back in my day we’d be pushed out of the house after breakfast and play outside until the dinner bell rang!”
“The only ‘streaming’ we knew about was skipping stones across a stream!”
How are today’s kids supposed to play outside when every time they do, some fuddy duddy tries to get them shut down?
I can’t imagine who would want kids stuck inside, hunched over an iPad, except perhaps chiropractors looking for their next batch of soon-to-be lifelong customers.
Still, I thought I’d better check what my local council had to say about ‘quiet enjoyment’, so I consulted its website’s section about noise pollution.
Things considered noise pollution: loud music, barking dogs, power tools, air conditioners, heat water pumps, musical instruments, TVs, hi-fi and all amplified sounds, such as PAs and musical events.
You’re having a bit of ‘quiet enjoyment’? Not for long! Picture: Richard Dobson
MORE: Major banks split after interest rate warning
Note, these are only considered noise pollution between the hours of 8pm (10pm and 12pm in some cases) and 7am (8am on Sundays).
Things not on the noise pollution list: kids on trampolines at 5pm, kids bouncing basketballs in the mid afternoon and kids jumping pushbikes on public land on a weekend morning.
Come on people, let them play.
English (US) · 