Known as the homeland of the hunky Hemsworths, fairy penguins and the MotoGP, Phillip Island now also plays host to the drama of The Block.
Unfortunately, this sea change has meant Foreman Keith — whose gruff style always adds to the tension of the series — has bowed out of being the fly in everyone’s ointment for the season.
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Instead, it will be his 2IC, and former Block contestant, Dan, who will lay down the law for the contestants as they renovate rundown holiday park villas into five luxury homes. And what a group they are.
First to arrive were West Australians Jesse and Paige. He’s a carpenter. She’s a Karen.
She likes an “elevated coastal grandma vibe” as well as having everything done to her very exacting standards. She does not take kindly to being told no.
The loved-up pair’s “how we met” story is less than romantic: they met while waiting for the toilet. This week they will see them face a very different sort of bathroom fireworks. Jesse went in talking a big game, planning to be the first one finished every week. Less than 72 hours later he is instead the first one crying and looking unlikely to complete the room.
Jesse and Paige shed the season’s first tears.
Next on the scene were newlyweds, Kristian and Mimi who hail from South Australia. Kristian is a sparky while Mimi is an aspiring actress (aka Sharon Johal 2.0). For the moment, Mimi still works at her mother’s restaurant and jokes that she has been a complete disappointment as a daughter because, after being lavished with a private education and mountains of extra-curricular activities “I am not good at anything.”
Self-confessed disappointment Mimi and her partner Kristian.
When Victorians Ricky and Haydn rolled up to see the two couples, they couldn’t help but marvel at what they saw, pondering whether they were on the set of Love Island rather than The Block.
This laid-back duo dress like they were styled by Weird Al Yankovic. Ricky is a plumber while Haydn is in IT. Ricky likened their partnership to Batman and Robin because they have different skills sets (note, in this scenario Ricky sees himself as the caped crusader and poor Haydn as his sidekick even though it is Ricky who appears to have the penchant for luridly-coloured, tight shorts).
Haydn has a lot riding on this. After spending years trying to conceive via IVF, his wife is finally pregnant with their first baby and due to give birth in a month. Ricky, who fled an abusive home as a teenager, wants to use his tradie skills to help his mate win big on The Block and secure his family’s future.
Ricky and Haydn don’t mind a pop of colour.
Sydneysiders Courtney and Grant are feisty. She is one of those people with a job description that has a lot of hyphens in it but doesn’t tell you a lot. Basically, she’s an influencer who also designs furniture. He’s involved with landscape design. Courtney favours a “Moderterranian” style. No, that’s not a typo, she likes a mix of modern and Mediterranean looks. Grant, like viewers, was a bit baffled by what that means, insisting he’s a man of simple tastes. She shoots back that his aesthetic involves trestle tables. He tells her that hers is living beyond her means. See, what I mean? Feisty.
Courtney and Grant come armed with a whole new word.
Last to arrive on site were Cairns couple Kylie and Brad. Don’t let their rock star exteriors fool you. This pair mean business. He is a double threat as a plumber and electrician. And, as a mum of four young kids and hairdresser who runs her own business, Kylie’s organisational skills should theoretically have been a major asset.
However, we soon discover she has a tendency to get fixated on (a mostly funereal) style over substance.
Kylie and Brad love all colours as long as they’re black.
While Paige had been “mentally preparing for years” to start The Block with a traditional challenge room, this year houses were determined by chance.
Contestants were invited by host Scott Cam to select houses via a Penguin-themed lottery.
Scott Cam with some local penguins.
Jesse and Paige selected House One. It’s closest to the front gate.
Mimi and Kristian selected the only double-storey home and will be making over House Five.
The boys pulled House Three on the back corner of the block.
Courtney and Greg chose House Two, the only house to have neighbouring contestants on both sides. And that left Kylie and Brad with House Four, the place closest to the communal tennis court.
Everyone will get a $250,000 budget to complete their work (along with all the usual sponsored stuff and “Block Bucks”). But even all that won’t be enough and Scotty warns the contestants: “you’ve got to win” rooms and challenges to make it to the finish line.
Let loose to tour their worksites, the teams were predictably aghast by the state of their properties. Courtney feared their place could be haunted. The boys declared “this joint is a dump”.
Mimi and Kristian explore their bomb site.
Kylie wasn’t happy with the colour palette for her house’s facade, moaning: “It’s not black enough for me. I would make everything black.” And we later discover this was no exaggeration. Kylie would make everything black if she could, except perhaps, her bright green hair.
With the houses unhabitable, the teams would be camping on site. And given their first room reno would be a bathroom rather than the usual bedroom, the group would have to get used to sleeping rough for a while yet.
Paige wasn’t happy (see, I told you she was the resident Karen). To make the situation more palatable, she insisted on buying a palatial six-man tent and (inexplicably) a pizza oven.
“You’ve got to stay humble though because nobody else can even stand up in their tent,” she laughed as she enjoyed her comparatively luxurious surrounds.
Meanwhile the boys were sharing a single Lilo and poor Kylie and Brad were left to squish themselves into a tent intended for a single (short) person to use.
Paige ponders how to wash a dog in their new home.
On the first day of the bathroom build, an overly confident Paige was busily redrawing the plans, fixated with increasing the property’s storage.
“Where do you wash a dog?” she asked, baffled by the standard-sized laundry sink on the plans.
“What if you have canoes?
“And I have always said I want a house where you can have an iron out all the time because no-one wants to put that away. Do we get one of those folding ironing boards?”
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