A Queensland real estate agent who looks more like a truckie and has a name to match has turned property listings into a hilarious art form.
Tank Lee is the principal of Housequest Real Estate in Ipswich, west of Brisbane, has 15 years in the property game, and a five-star client rating based on 158 reviews.
“Honesty and integrity rather than fame and fortune are extremely important values to me,” his bio on realestate.com.au says.
But it is his property listings that are pure gold — and you won’t find any of the usual word vomit preferred by many other real estate agents.
“No bullsh** is how I roll,” Tank said.
“I am just myself and if someone doesn’t like that, well then they aren’t my client.
“In an industry so full of crap and egos, I am definitely not that guy wearing no socks and pants that are too short.”
You get what you get with Tank Lee
Tank, who was in the airforce before getting into real estate, also does no frills videos and, in his words, “pays a guy to do that crap (social media)”.
“I have clients who are judges, doctors, solicitors, and I talk to them the same way I talk to my mates,” he said.
“I don’t have a neck to wear a tie. I wear jeans and Skechers but I do wear a button up shirt because I am covered in tattoos.
“But I am who I am and I can talk to anyone, from a truckie to a judge.”
Definitely not Tank. Picture: iStock
And his “No BS” style seems to resonate in the blue-collar Ipswich market, with Tank recently clocking up over 1100 sales.
“When someone lists with me, they get me. Me!” he said.
Here is just a few of Tank’s crackers:
39 Fassifern Street, Peak Crossing – FOR SALE
The large covered rear pergola is the place to sit and watch the two or four legged kids enjoy the large rear yard or light up the fire pit in the centre of the yard to summon your internal redneck. All three bedrooms have ceiling fans, two have built-in robes with the airconditioned main bedroom also gifting y’all an ensuite bathroom with built-in shelving for all your bottles of smell good or all her shoes.The main bathroom does the job and a great sized separate laundry takes care of the job everyone loves doing!
The main bathroom “does the job” at 39 Fassifern Street, Peak Crossing
42 Cashmere Street, Redbank Plains – SOLD
Snapped up before the sign hit the dirty!
22 Discovery Street, Flinders View – SOLD
Yes it has three rainwater tanks for harvesting the free cloud juice. Flood Free? – Absolutely! It’s on a hill!
8 Sophie Street, Raceview – SOLD
The gas hot water system keeps the water boiling and two rainwater tanks with pumps attached collect all the free Jesus juice it can. Completing projects and tinkering within the shed is surely more tolerable when it feels as refreshing as a bottleshop coolroom. Yes, it might hurt a bit more hitting the thumb with the hammer in an arctic environment but the cold air should also help it heal faster.
8 Sophie Street, Raceview, has a shed that is as “refreshing as a bottleshop coolroom”
34 Hibiscus Street, Flinders View – FOR SALE
Internal stairs lead up to the penthouse level where the gifts just keep on giving. The brand new loo and super stylish bathroom is found amongst the bedrooms. Flood Free? – Its on a hill!!!…A very elevated hill!!!
34 Hibiscus Street, Flinders View, is flood free as it is on a “very elevated hill”
28 Tessman Street, Riverview – FOR SALE
Think of how good life would be to just descend the internal stairs with coffee in hand and slippers still on feet then log-on via the NBN connection and do some office or business paperwork! The other bonus is if you need to do paperwork of a different kind, a second loo is also found on this lower level. This flood-free and elevated position 607sq m block also has potential caravan/boat/trailer etc parking along both sides of the home with a bit of fence panel tweaking and some tree/shrub killing.
28 Tessman Street, Riverview, has a second loo for that “paperwork of a different kind”
22 Sandstone Drive, Hatton Vale (land) – SOLD
You know you would never be totally happy gatecrashing someone else’s dream where they built the home they wanted…with the design, layout, colour and finish they decided on…and no doubt they built the shed in the wrong position or built it too small…and don’t get me started on the pool! Forget about buying a vacant block buried in a gully or with so much gradient you would need to swap your dogs for goats.
Goats not required. Pictures: Supplied
38 Staatz Quarry Road, Regency Downs – FOR SALE
Yep she may not be the prettiest or largest home around but she is solid, has plenty of updates, is totally flood free and sits upon a mostly fenced 2.94 acres of awesomeness with its own pond that is just waiting for you to nail up the rope swing! Technically I could say it has a large inground pool…but I think pond will suffice.
38 Staatz Quarry Road, Regency Downs, has a pond
162 South Station Road, Silkstone – FOR SALE
Remember when you could do a U-turn with your vehicle in your own rear yard on real grass…not synthetic grass that you struggle to spin a wheelie bin around on? Remember when you could easily drag your caravan into your wide side access yard and even turn it around and reverse park it without unhitching…instead of not making your house gutter shake in fear trying to shoehorn it in alongside the home? Well, those happy days can be yours again with this spacious flood free and fenced rear yard 809sq m block.
13 Junwood Court, Deebing Heights – UNDER OFFER
The large inground saltwater pool with shade sail cover that sits just a 3-step cannonball wind up from the large covered pergola complete with drop down privacy blinds if the weather gets cranky, cocktail hour can still continue into cocktail hoursssss. (The shed is dubbed Garage Mahal).
13 Junwood Court, Deebing Heights, boasts the “Garage Mahal”
53 Tristania Street, Yamanto – FOR SALE
Perched upon an elevated position that overlooks the surrounding neighbourhood from such a high vantage point where you would be forgiven if you got a nosebleed at this elevation or used the services of a sherpa and a donkey to deliver your groceries!
Built in approx 1975, this solid old girl has had plenty of botox and fillers injected into her to make her youthful again but thankfully with the same old bones as this home was actually built and not assembled like today’s version.
128 Kensington Drive, Flinders View – “Tank’s 1100th sale”
Miss this awesome home within this great estate and you will wish your knee bent backwards so you could kick yourself in the butt!
22-24 Newsky Court, Deebing Heights – SOLD
Tucked away within a cul-de-sac street and sitting upon an elevated ridgeline is this absolute flood-free and fenced rear yard 4000sq m piece of awesomeness that delivers more goodies than Australia Post. The sellers built this large home in 2000 and now that it is time for them to put their butts in the water and their toes in the sand…you have the only opportunity ever to be the 2nd owner of this great package. Firstly, you are welcomed in by an obscenely expensive amount of decorative epoxy coated concrete … I’m sure the epoxy guy could have retired comfortably after completing this awesome job. I just remembered that there is a great family-sized home that I am also selling on this block so I had better mention that also.
The epoxy guy could retire after completing 22-24 Newsky Court, Deebing Heights
11 Dannika Way, Deebing Heights – FOR SALE
Landscaped gardens, some fruit/vege and herb selections, a garden shed, under roof rear pergola, security screens, roof insulation, solar power, concreted sun patio and plenty of updates and upgrades should have this property moved to Number 1 on the ‘must annoy the agent to get into ASAP before I miss out once again’ list.
45 Thallon Road, Regency Downs (land) – FOR SALE
This stellar block is mostly level with a gentle fall to the rear boundary (perfect for water runoff), is absolutely flood free as it sits almost on the top of a hill (a good thing as the block is completely useable and insurance isn’t a nightmare), you have a distant rear neighbour (loving it as you can keep your rear curtains open and not feel like you are living in a fishbowl) as well as a large horse property on one side (great for some free garden manure and who doesn’t like horses) and some absolutely lovely neighbours on the lower side (house proud folks who offered me homemade lamingtons but I think they were from Woolies…nice gesture though).
MORE: Shock as Aussie city named in global top 2 for best cost of living
English (US) · 